Meg: The real reasons I drank alcohol!

Have you ever wondered what lies beneath the surface of your habits, driving them to become part of your daily life? Join me, Meg, as I unravel the complexities of my alcohol dependency, fueled by deep-seated feelings of unworthiness and anxiety. It's a candid reflection on how social drinking transformed into a solitary escape, rooted in childhood experiences that painted the world as an unsafe place. Through honest introspection, I share how these formative events and beliefs shaped a narrative that led me to seek solace in alcohol, offering listeners a chance to reflect on their own stories and motivations.

Transitioning to an alcohol-free life has been nothing short of transformative, and I am here to share the journey of self-discovery and peace it has brought. Hear about the invaluable role of coaching, community support, and resources like Quitlet books that have guided me towards a more authentic existence. This episode is a beacon for anyone feeling trapped in their current habits, encouraging small yet powerful steps towards a future filled with clarity and purpose. Reflecting on past struggles and victories, I invite you to be inspired, to find hope, and to embark on your own path of healing and growth.

MEG

Web: https://www.meganwebb.com.au/
Instagram:https://www.instagram.com/meganwebbcoaching/
ConnectAF group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching
 

BELLA

Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au

Transcript

Understanding Origins of Drinking Behavior

Speaker 1 0:00

Hello and welcome to Not Drinking Today podcast . Thank you for listening . It's Meg here and I thought today I'd jump on and tell you a bit about what I've learned since I've stopped drinking alcohol . So back when Bella and I started this podcast all the way back episode two and three we shared our stories , so if you haven't heard them , have a listen . I wanted to kind of add to that today and talk about what's different for me , what I found out about myself , why I drank in the first place .

Speaker 1 0:35

Because when I embarked on this journey to make alcohol small and irrelevant in my life , all I knew was that I was drinking too much . I knew I was numbing out . I knew I was really unhappy and I knew it was going to just keep getting worse . I also knew that I had started out as a binge drinker , but I had ended up in my mid-40s drinking every night at home by myself , and I had started to isolate from the world , from friends . I just wanted to drink on my own , by myself , and it was a cycle that was just getting worse because I was numbing out . It was pain , but I didn't know what from , and then it was waking up , hungover and really hating that feeling , so knowing I was going to drink again that afternoon to just stop that guilt . There was shame , there was blame , it was compounding . The more I drank , the worse I felt , the more I disliked myself . But I just didn't know why I was doing it . I had things going on in my life and I thought numb out from that Work was tricky . I had all these reasons that on the surface , I could say , oh yeah , well , I'm drinking because of that , I need a break , I need a reward , whatever it may be , but I just couldn't pinpoint why I got to where I was and what was the cause of it . I knew there had to be more to it , but that was what I knew at this point , that it was getting worse . I wasn't really aware of why I was drinking , but all I knew was that my tolerance was growing and I was not headed anywhere good . So those were the things I knew . I didn't actually know , though , specifically why I had used alcohol as a tool or a medicine or a crutch for all those years . I wasn't aware of it , but through doing a lot of work around myself , it's become really clear to me , and it's probably for reasons you wouldn't expect and I wouldn't have known until I started looking at these things .

Speaker 1 3:11

So we've all got beliefs about ourselves . We can call them inner beliefs , core wounds , trauma , whatever you want to call it , trauma , whatever you want to call it . And I always struggled with the term trauma because I didn't feel I had bad enough bad enough anything experiences to be able to say I had trauma . But what I have learned is trauma is different for everyone and our brain , our brain takes on things that happen to us and decides if it's traumatic to us or not , and in doing that we try to protect ourselves subconsciously . So we form beliefs , we form protector parts . We just try and protect ourselves from this pain . We just try and protect ourselves from this pain . So what became clear to me was I had a few different core beliefs that have affected everything in my life for my whole life .

Speaker 1 4:16

So , starting right back , first of all , when I was 17 , and I talked about this in the first podcast where I told you about my story when I was 17 , standing in front of my class at school , I was reading out , with daily notices , piece of paper and the paper started to shake and that was the beginning of a social anxiety disorder where I shook all the time , in every situation either my voice shook , my hands shook , I couldn't eat in front of people , I couldn't drink in front of people , I couldn't speak in front of people , and for a very long time that particular day was the reason that I made , that I had anxiety or that I started drinking . It was that day , but what I didn't know was there was a whole lot of things that contributed in my mind that caused the shaking . On that particular day . When I started to look back at things that had happened to me in the past , from early childhood , and also just the way I thought and the way I spoke to myself , it started to become clearer to me that I was carrying around beliefs about myself . So they might look like I am not enough , I'm not worthy , I'm not lovable , those kind of things . Now I can see certain situations that happened and occurred that my brain started to make up these stories , because that's what they are . They're stories , and at the time they were probably believable for a reason and they probably protected us . But as time went on , they were no longer true .

Speaker 1 5:55

So an example of one of the earliest memories I have , and I spoke about this is when my brother was hit by a car and he was okay , thankfully . But that's when I lost faith in the world was safe . So my belief started then that the world was not safe , I am unsafe . We then had a break-in and that made that kind of cemented it it's not safe . And then I made this belief that I'm not safe , therefore I must control everything . So with that came a lot of fear and anxiety , as anyone who has control issues will know . But I didn't realize I was doing that . But it was so exhausting in my mind and I was worried when my family went out if they'd come home again . I wanted to make sure my brother was safe . I got scared at night so I had to sleep in a room with someone else .

Speaker 1 6:48

You know , lots of things were starting to come up for me Now around that time or a little bit older . So you know , around nine , 10 , and then early teens . So much of what happens in life forms us at that point and earlier . But I also started to compare myself to other people in that I had a couple of small incidences , like one time I'd done my hair really cute , thought I looked a bit Cindy Brady went to a family tennis day and no one commented . And I came home and thought why didn't anyone say my hair looked good ? And I looked in the mirror and it was lopsided and literally I can remember my heart dropping . Now I'm pretty sure a belief formed in my head then . That was you're just not cute .

Speaker 1 7:36

And then that was cemented by , I think , in year three , the year sixes would piggyback us and someone told me you're too big for a piggyback . Now , by no means was I big , I was just a bit tall . But in my head it went oh , something's wrong with me . I don't look the same or I'm not , I'm not enough . You know there's more beliefs being formed which were so looking back , so untrue , but my brain at the time took them to mean there is something wrong with me .

Speaker 1 8:07

Another one , another thing that happened around that time was in grade one , when I was about seven and I did my maths , maths work and the person opposite me I mustn't have felt confident . I don't know , I can't remember , but I copied her work and my work was upside down . Because I copied upside down I still remember lining up to show the teacher . She laughed . I was , I felt so embarrassed and humiliated and I felt stupid . And that was the day I took on a belief that I was stupid which has carried all through my life . So the point of this is that these were all very traumatic events for my brain , even though telling them to people or even looking at them myself , I was like that's not trauma . That's not trauma , but you know what . They shaped my life and that's just a few examples of how these beliefs shape us .

Speaker 1 9:06

So by the time I got to 17 , and I'd had a couple of other comments really probably very harmless about my body , but because I'd already started that belief that I wasn't good enough or I didn't look good enough , they just compounded . So by the time I got to 17 and I was standing in front of the class , something in my brain just went everyone's looking at you and you are not okay . So what I learned was it wasn't that day that things started . It was that day that my body reacted to my thoughts and beliefs , day that my body reacted to my thoughts and beliefs . Then , a year later , I discovered alcohol and I discovered that that would numb me , it would stop any physical symptoms and it would give me this confidence .

Speaker 1 9:52

So you know , around boys at 18 , when I had no confidence , if I drank and this belief I had of being unlovable , unattractive , it went out the window because I was numbing it . So if I drank it didn't worry me and I could approach males and let my guard down , which actually was terrible and led me into some bad situations . It also totally contributed to me losing self-respect and self-esteem . You know , it added to the bad feelings rather than what I thought , fixing them . You know , I just look back and I just feel sad for myself because the inhibitions went down and if I could have stopped then I would have probably made some great connections . You know , one or two drinks feeling a bit confident , but I went overboard . I was a floppy drunk mess and I couldn't form relationships .

Speaker 1 10:51

So again my brain is saying , see , you are unlovable . So you know , this is how these beliefs are formed and the way to deal with it was to drink , numb it and pretend it didn't exist . And and all the while you're pushing down these , these beliefs and feelings about yourself and that . That went on and on and these beliefs have directed my life . You know , I've spent a lot of my life feeling not good enough , not not lovable , inadequate , stupid , you name it . I felt it and it's been at the bottom of all the decisions , all the choices I've made . But after giving up alcohol , I found the tools , the lessons , the self-help and personal growth that I needed to get to these beliefs , to find out what they were and to work on them and to change them . And so that brings me here . I'll be three years alcohol free at New Year's Eve this year and I can honestly say those beliefs have some of them have totally changed to the opposite , where I totally don't believe I'm not enough . I believe I am enough . Some of them are still a work in progress .

Speaker 1 12:11

Whenever I get a trigger or a negative feeling , I know that's a signal to look at something , at my , my self belief , my core belief and work on it a bit more . At something at my self-belief my core belief and work on it a bit more . But the difference it has made in my life is unbelievable . And how did I do that ? I did that through this Naked Mind . I did it through all the quick lit I read . I still daily put on a self-help book Audible when I go for a walk . I coach in this naked mind . So I'm always doing the course material . I'm always connected to something .

Speaker 1 12:49

Healing is a process and a journey and it is never-ending , so I am constantly doing things to work on myself . Another thing I've done is cognitive behavior therapy . So baby step therapy , and part of that was in COVID speaking on Zooms with my work and just popping on and saying hello , because I had this anxiety issue where I couldn't talk on a Zoom , I couldn't talk in front of people , let alone have a podcast . So I did some baby steps , I tested myself , I stepped out of my comfort zone . That has been a massive part of my healing is stepping out of my comfort zone , and some of you will know that I joined Toastmasters , which is a speech making club , and I joined that because I wanted to challenge myself and that was one of my biggest fears talking in front of people , just shaking and to be able to say I've done that and I'm still doing . That is just something I couldn't have dreamt possible and it is something that I'm still working at because there is still a fear for me around public speaking and gradually I'll step through that discomfort .

Speaker 1 14:02

That's also been a massive thing just stepping through discomfort because underneath this numbing and this drinking is our feelings that we've not . They're so hard to feel , you know , feeling . Thinking that's what it is , that's what we're doing and that's what we're avoiding . Thinking that's what it is , that's what we're doing and that's what we're avoiding . So when we can learn to sit with that discomfort , listen with curiosity and see what's going on there , when we start to acknowledge that healing happens and I wanted to do this today to reflect , because it's really important as well to have a look how far we've come , to look at our gains .

Speaker 1 14:40

There's a book , the Gap and the Gain , and it really focuses on looking at our gains , being in a gain mentality over a gap mentality . The book is by Dan Sullivan , really good , really good and worth a read , focusing on how far we've come . It builds momentum , it builds self-belief and it's a tool that I often use with my clients to focus on the gains . Maybe each evening when you're lying in bed , go over three things that you did well that day or gained , or have a look over the past year how far you've come , because sometimes we can get weighed down by the negative . How far you've come , because sometimes we can

Embracing a Sober Lifestyle

Speaker 1 15:20

get weighed down by the negative .

Speaker 1 15:20

But , yeah , I wanted to reflect and let you know how things have changed for me since I've stopped drinking and with all of this self , inner self , inner belief change that's happened to me through hard work , but meaningful work . It's also led to clarity , peace , freedom , finding my passion and my purpose , reconnecting with my authentic self , having a family , having kids who know I'm reliable and I am their safe spot . All of these things are side effects of this amazing alcohol-free life , and this is what Bella and I do . We coach people to get where we are , and I would not be here today without coaching , without the amazing Quitlet books and podcasts I listen to , without community connection , the course I did in becoming a coach . Every single thing has just helped me along this path and it's just been . Each thing's a stepping stone to the next , and it does . It takes work , but when you do work , that's meaningful . It gives you this energy like no other . I can't describe it . It's amazing .

Speaker 1 16:43

So if anyone is , if you resonate with what I'm saying , if you want to hear more about it , please contact me or , isabella , send on our website so you can book a free discovery call . Just have a chat with us , because what I have learned I want to pass on to other people . It has just made a difference in every area of my life and I have no doubt there's so much more for me to learn and I'm excited for the pieces of the puzzle to keep coming together . And if you're thinking it couldn't be me , I couldn't do that , I'm in too deep , I can't see a way out Just know that I was there and I felt like that I honestly , at one point , could not see a future without alcohol in it .

Speaker 1 17:31

So know that I have been there , bella's been there , there is hope , there is possibilities , and it all starts by taking one small step , by listening to this podcast . You've already done that and you may have taken even more steps , but take another . Reach out , contact us , have a look at the resources in the show notes that we offer , have a Google , get into some more podcasts and some quick lit books , do a short course online , but you've taken the first step and that's the main thing . Once we can start to see the real reasons that we are drinking or that we began drinking , that is where the healing will begin . Thanks for joining me today .