Meg: The real reasons I drank alcohol!

Have you ever wondered what lies beneath the surface of your habits, driving them to become part of your daily life? Join me, Meg, as I unravel the complexities of my alcohol dependency, fueled by deep-seated feelings of unworthiness and anxiety. It's a candid reflection on how social drinking transformed into a solitary escape, rooted in childhood experiences that painted the world as an unsafe place. Through honest introspection, I share how these formative events and beliefs shaped a narrative that led me to seek solace in alcohol, offering listeners a chance to reflect on their own stories and motivations.

Transitioning to an alcohol-free life has been nothing short of transformative, and I am here to share the journey of self-discovery and peace it has brought. Hear about the invaluable role of coaching, community support, and resources like Quitlet books that have guided me towards a more authentic existence. This episode is a beacon for anyone feeling trapped in their current habits, encouraging small yet powerful steps towards a future filled with clarity and purpose. Reflecting on past struggles and victories, I invite you to be inspired, to find hope, and to embark on your own path of healing and growth.

MEG

Megan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.au
Instagram: @glassfulfilled
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
Facebook UpsideAF: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1168716054214678
Small group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching


BELLA

*November 6-Week Small Group Challenge: Learn more: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/alcoholfreedomchallenge*
Isabella Ferguson: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Instagram: @alcoholandstresswithisabella
Free Healthy Holiday Helper Email Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/L4fXEtCb/checkout

Chapters

• 0:00 Understanding Origins of Drinking Behavior
• 16:53 Embracing a Sober Lifestyle

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:33

Hello and welcome to Not Drinking Today podcast. Thank you for listening. It's Meg here and I thought today I'd jump on and tell you a bit about what I've learned since I've stopped drinking alcohol. So back when Bella and I started this podcast all the way back episode two and three we shared our stories, so if you haven't heard them, have a listen. I wanted to kind of add to that today and talk about what's different for me, what I found out about myself, why I drank in the first place.

Speaker 1: 2:08

Because when I embarked on this journey to make alcohol small and irrelevant in my life, all I knew was that I was drinking too much. I knew I was numbing out. I knew I was really unhappy and I knew it was going to just keep getting worse. I also knew that I had started out as a binge drinker, but I had ended up in my mid-40s drinking every night at home by myself, and I had started to isolate from the world, from friends. I just wanted to drink on my own, by myself, and it was a cycle that was just getting worse because I was numbing out. It was pain, but I didn't know what from, and then it was waking up, hungover and really hating that feeling, so knowing I was going to drink again that afternoon to just stop that guilt. There was shame, there was blame, it was compounding. The more I drank, the worse I felt, the more I disliked myself. But I just didn't know why I was doing it. I had things going on in my life and I thought numb out from that Work was tricky. I had all these reasons that on the surface, I could say, oh yeah, well, I'm drinking because of that, I need a break, I need a reward, whatever it may be, but I just couldn't pinpoint why I got to where I was and what was the cause of it. I knew there had to be more to it, but that was what I knew at this point, that it was getting worse. I wasn't really aware of why I was drinking, but all I knew was that my tolerance was growing and I was not headed anywhere good. So those were the things I knew. I didn't actually know, though, specifically why I had used alcohol as a tool or a medicine or a crutch for all those years. I wasn't aware of it, but through doing a lot of work around myself, it's become really clear to me, and it's probably for reasons you wouldn't expect and I wouldn't have known until I started looking at these things.

Speaker 1: 4:44

So we've all got beliefs about ourselves. We can call them inner beliefs, core wounds, trauma, whatever you want to call it, trauma, whatever you want to call it. And I always struggled with the term trauma because I didn't feel I had bad enough bad enough anything experiences to be able to say I had trauma. But what I have learned is trauma is different for everyone and our brain, our brain takes on things that happen to us and decides if it's traumatic to us or not, and in doing that we try to protect ourselves subconsciously. So we form beliefs, we form protector parts. We just try and protect ourselves from this pain. We just try and protect ourselves from this pain. So what became clear to me was I had a few different core beliefs that have affected everything in my life for my whole life.

Speaker 1: 5:49

So, starting right back, first of all, when I was 17, and I talked about this in the first podcast where I told you about my story when I was 17, standing in front of my class at school, I was reading out, with daily notices, piece of paper and the paper started to shake and that was the beginning of a social anxiety disorder where I shook all the time, in every situation either my voice shook, my hands shook, I couldn't eat in front of people, I couldn't drink in front of people, I couldn't speak in front of people, and for a very long time that particular day was the reason that I made, that I had anxiety or that I started drinking. It was that day, but what I didn't know was there was a whole lot of things that contributed in my mind that caused the shaking. On that particular day. When I started to look back at things that had happened to me in the past, from early childhood, and also just the way I thought and the way I spoke to myself, it started to become clearer to me that I was carrying around beliefs about myself. So they might look like I am not enough, I'm not worthy, I'm not lovable, those kind of things. Now I can see certain situations that happened and occurred that my brain started to make up these stories, because that's what they are. They're stories, and at the time they were probably believable for a reason and they probably protected us. But as time went on, they were no longer true.

Speaker 1: 7:28

So an example of one of the earliest memories I have, and I spoke about this is when my brother was hit by a car and he was okay, thankfully. But that's when I lost faith in the world was safe. So my belief started then that the world was not safe, I am unsafe. We then had a break-in and that made that kind of cemented it it's not safe. And then I made this belief that I'm not safe, therefore I must control everything. So with that came a lot of fear and anxiety, as anyone who has control issues will know. But I didn't realize I was doing that. But it was so exhausting in my mind and I was worried when my family went out if they'd come home again. I wanted to make sure my brother was safe. I got scared at night so I had to sleep in a room with someone else.

Speaker 1: 8:21

You know, lots of things were starting to come up for me Now around that time or a little bit older. So you know, around nine, 10, and then early teens. So much of what happens in life forms us at that point and earlier. But I also started to compare myself to other people in that I had a couple of small incidences, like one time I'd done my hair really cute, thought I looked a bit Cindy Brady went to a family tennis day and no one commented. And I came home and thought why didn't anyone say my hair looked good? And I looked in the mirror and it was lopsided and literally I can remember my heart dropping. Now I'm pretty sure a belief formed in my head then. That was you're just not cute.

Speaker 1: 9:09

And then that was cemented by, I think, in year three, the year sixes would piggyback us and someone told me you're too big for a piggyback. Now, by no means was I big, I was just a bit tall. But in my head it went oh, something's wrong with me. I don't look the same or I'm not, I'm not enough. You know there's more beliefs being formed which were so looking back, so untrue, but my brain at the time took them to mean there is something wrong with me.

Speaker 1: 9:40

Another one, another thing that happened around that time was in grade one, when I was about seven and I did my maths, maths work and the person opposite me I mustn't have felt confident. I don't know, I can't remember, but I copied her work and my work was upside down. Because I copied upside down I still remember lining up to show the teacher. She laughed. I was, I felt so embarrassed and humiliated and I felt stupid. And that was the day I took on a belief that I was stupid which has carried all through my life. So the point of this is that these were all very traumatic events for my brain, even though telling them to people or even looking at them myself, I was like that's not trauma. That's not trauma, but you know what. They shaped my life and that's just a few examples of how these beliefs shape us.

Speaker 1: 10:39

So by the time I got to 17, and I'd had a couple of other comments really probably very harmless about my body, but because I'd already started that belief that I wasn't good enough or I didn't look good enough, they just compounded. So by the time I got to 17 and I was standing in front of the class, something in my brain just went everyone's looking at you and you are not okay. So what I learned was it wasn't that day that things started. It was that day that my body reacted to my thoughts and beliefs, day that my body reacted to my thoughts and beliefs. Then, a year later, I discovered alcohol and I discovered that that would numb me, it would stop any physical symptoms and it would give me this confidence.

Speaker 1: 11:25

So you know, around boys at 18, when I had no confidence, if I drank and this belief I had of being unlovable, unattractive, it went out the window because I was numbing it. So if I drank it didn't worry me and I could approach males and let my guard down, which actually was terrible and led me into some bad situations. It also totally contributed to me losing self-respect and self-esteem. You know, it added to the bad feelings rather than what I thought, fixing them. You know, I just look back and I just feel sad for myself because the inhibitions went down and if I could have stopped then I would have probably made some great connections. You know, one or two drinks feeling a bit confident, but I went overboard. I was a floppy drunk mess and I couldn't form relationships.

Speaker 1: 12:24

So again my brain is saying, see, you are unlovable. So you know, this is how these beliefs are formed and the way to deal with it was to drink, numb it and pretend it didn't exist. And and all the while you're pushing down these, these beliefs and feelings about yourself and that. That went on and on and these beliefs have directed my life. You know, I've spent a lot of my life feeling not good enough, not not lovable, inadequate, stupid, you name it. I felt it and it's been at the bottom of all the decisions, all the choices I've made. But after giving up alcohol, I found the tools, the lessons, the self-help and personal growth that I needed to get to these beliefs, to find out what they were and to work on them and to change them. And so that brings me here. I'll be three years alcohol free at New Year's Eve this year and I can honestly say those beliefs have some of them have totally changed to the opposite, where I totally don't believe I'm not enough. I believe I am enough. Some of them are still a work in progress.

Speaker 1: 13:44

Whenever I get a trigger or a negative feeling, I know that's a signal to look at something, at my, my self belief, my core belief and work on it a bit more. At something at my self-belief my core belief and work on it a bit more. But the difference it has made in my life is unbelievable. And how did I do that? I did that through this Naked Mind. I did it through all the quick lit I read. I still daily put on a self-help book Audible when I go for a walk. I coach in this naked mind. So I'm always doing the course material. I'm always connected to something.

Speaker 1: 14:22

Healing is a process and a journey and it is never-ending, so I am constantly doing things to work on myself. Another thing I've done is cognitive behavior therapy. So baby step therapy, and part of that was in COVID speaking on Zooms with my work and just popping on and saying hello, because I had this anxiety issue where I couldn't talk on a Zoom, I couldn't talk in front of people, let alone have a podcast. So I did some baby steps, I tested myself, I stepped out of my comfort zone. That has been a massive part of my healing is stepping out of my comfort zone, and some of you will know that I joined Toastmasters, which is a speech making club, and I joined that because I wanted to challenge myself and that was one of my biggest fears talking in front of people, just shaking and to be able to say I've done that and I'm still doing. That is just something I couldn't have dreamt possible and it is something that I'm still working at because there is still a fear for me around public speaking and gradually I'll step through that discomfort.

Speaker 1: 15:35

That's also been a massive thing just stepping through discomfort because underneath this numbing and this drinking is our feelings that we've not. They're so hard to feel, you know, feeling. Thinking that's what it is, that's what we're doing and that's what we're avoiding. Thinking that's what it is, that's what we're doing and that's what we're avoiding. So when we can learn to sit with that discomfort, listen with curiosity and see what's going on there, when we start to acknowledge that healing happens and I wanted to do this today to reflect, because it's really important as well to have a look how far we've come, to look at our gains.

Speaker 1: 16:13

There's a book, the Gap and the Gain, and it really focuses on looking at our gains, being in a gain mentality over a gap mentality. The book is by Dan Sullivan, really good, really good and worth a read, focusing on how far we've come. It builds momentum, it builds self-belief and it's a tool that I often use with my clients to focus on the gains. Maybe each evening when you're lying in bed, go over three things that you did well that day or gained, or have a look over the past year how far you've come, because sometimes we can get weighed down by the negative. How far you've come, because sometimes we can get weighed down by the negative.

Speaker 1: 16:53

But, yeah, I wanted to reflect and let you know how things have changed for me since I've stopped drinking and with all of this self, inner self, inner belief change that's happened to me through hard work, but meaningful work. It's also led to clarity, peace, freedom, finding my passion and my purpose, reconnecting with my authentic self, having a family, having kids who know I'm reliable and I am their safe spot. All of these things are side effects of this amazing alcohol-free life, and this is what Bella and I do. We coach people to get where we are, and I would not be here today without coaching, without the amazing Quitlet books and podcasts I listen to, without community connection, the course I did in becoming a coach. Every single thing has just helped me along this path and it's just been. Each thing's a stepping stone to the next, and it does. It takes work, but when you do work, that's meaningful. It gives you this energy like no other. I can't describe it. It's amazing.

Speaker 1: 18:16

So if anyone is, if you resonate with what I'm saying, if you want to hear more about it, please contact me or, isabella, send on our website so you can book a free discovery call. Just have a chat with us, because what I have learned I want to pass on to other people. It has just made a difference in every area of my life and I have no doubt there's so much more for me to learn and I'm excited for the pieces of the puzzle to keep coming together. And if you're thinking it couldn't be me, I couldn't do that, I'm in too deep, I can't see a way out Just know that I was there and I felt like that I honestly, at one point, could not see a future without alcohol in it.

Speaker 1: 19:04

So know that I have been there, bella's been there, there is hope, there is possibilities, and it all starts by taking one small step, by listening to this podcast. You've already done that and you may have taken even more steps, but take another. Reach out, contact us, have a look at the resources in the show notes that we offer, have a Google, get into some more podcasts and some quick lit books, do a short course online, but you've taken the first step and that's the main thing. Once we can start to see the real reasons that we are drinking or that we began drinking, that is where the healing will begin. Thanks for joining me today.