Unwined with Rina Bowring!

What if breaking free from alcohol could lead to a deeper connection with yourself and others? Join us for a powerful conversation with Rina, a fellow Naked Mind coach, who shares her inspiring journey of quitting alcohol independently before discovering the transformative power of community support. We explore how she initially struggled with emotions and irritability despite the benefits of an alcohol-free life, and how finding a support network during her coach training became a pivotal moment. This episode is packed with insights into the dual necessity of personal effort and communal support in overcoming addiction and achieving lasting change.

Rina candidly reflects on the biochemical parallels between the dopamine-driven rewards of alcohol and the oxytocin-fueled rewards of genuine human connection. Through heartfelt anecdotes, we uncover the profound sense of self-rediscovery that emerges from forming authentic relationships within a supportive community. Listen in as we introduce "Unwined," a passion project designed to nurture ongoing learning and personal development post-alcohol. Embrace past struggles as a source of growth and gratitude, and learn how to leverage community support in tackling life's challenges—from grief to parenting—with renewed perspective and strength.

Rina: 
Unwined bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
Rina's website: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/

MEG

Megan Webb: https://glassfulfilled.com.au
Instagram: @glassfulfilled
Unwined Bookclub: https://www.alcoholfreedom.com.au/unwinedbookclub
Facebook UpsideAF: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1168716054214678
Small group coaching: https://www.elizaparkinson.com/groupcoaching


BELLA

Web: https://isabellaferguson.com.au
Insta: @alcoholcounsellorisabella
Bi-Yearly 6-Week Small Group Challenges: Learn more: https://www.isabellaferguson.com.au/feb-2025-challenge
Free Do I Have A Drinking Problem 3 x Video Series: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/JTFFgjJL/checkout
Free HOW DO I STOP DRINKING SO MUCH Masterclass: https://resources.isabellaferguson.com.au/offers/7fvkb3FF/checkout
Online Alcohol Self-Paced Course: ...

Chapters

• 0:00 Finding Support in Community
• 18:12 Rediscovering Self Through Community

Transcript

Speaker 1: 1:33

Hey everyone, how you going? I'm so excited today to have my friend Reena on. Reena has been on before so you can go back and listen to her story, but Reena's a fellow this Naked Mind coach and we live near each other. Welcome, reena.

Speaker 2: 1:50

Thank you, Meg. So nice to be back chatting to you. Thank you so much for having me on.

Speaker 1: 1:56

It's so good to have you here, so Reena and I we get together for coffee sometime. It's so good to have someone close by, and that's kind of the topic we're going to talk about today is the community. Last time I saw Reena, we were talking about the new book by Laura McCowan which is Push Off from here and there is a chapter called you can't do it alone. The next chapter on from that is only you can do it. But we were talking about the you can't do it alone bit and it was a really interesting conversation so we thought we'd bring it to the pod. And, Rena, you were talking about when you gave up and you didn't have that community support. So I thought we could start by talking about when you gave up and you didn't have that community support. So I thought we could start by talking about that.

Speaker 2: 2:42

That's so great. Yeah, I definitely learned this, this one, the hard way. You know, looking back, I was, I was always very independent, and that's a really great thing. Until it isn't, you know, I stopped drinking just by reading Annie's book. You know, which was amazing, and I'll preface that by saying, of course, before that there was years of trying and stopping and doing different things, and then, I think, when I was ready and I found this book at the right time, then it just all came together and it was great.

Speaker 2: 3:21

You know, like so many good things happened after I stopped. There were so many. I was kind of like on this little bit of a just a high, of just being so grateful that I wasn't drinking anymore. I was feeling better, I was sleeping better, my anxiety was better. All of these amazing things started happening. And there was also some things that were really difficult, you know.

Speaker 2: 3:47

I started to realize, because my main reason for wanting to stop drinking was because I noticed that I wasn't being the mom that I wanted to be with my kids. I was tired, I was cranky, I was impatient, I was irritable, and those things didn't go away when I stopped drinking. In fact, they got a little bit worse initially, because now I had all these emotions and these experiences and I had no idea what to do with them and I was just with them and I didn't at that time. I was just doing it by myself. I didn't have a community, I didn't have people that I was talking to. I was reading a lot of quitlet, so I was listening to other people's stories, which I think helped a little bit, was listening to other people's stories, which I think helped a little bit, but I really didn't have anybody that I was sharing what I was going through or anything like that.

Speaker 2: 4:45

And after a while you know, it was about maybe between six and 12 months into being alcohol free I realized that I was still in that place of feeling still really irritable and easily frustrated and easily angered. And it's almost like I got stuck in a rut with that, because it's very similar to the alcohol, where you get angry and irritable and then you react in a certain way and then you feel guilty for how you've reacted and then you kind of beat yourself up a little bit and then next minute you're just doing the same thing again and I was like I could not see passes. I was just like what is going on. I stopped drinking. Why aren't I happy? Why am I not, you know, like patient? Why am I not, you know, living the? You know being the person that I wanted to be?

Speaker 2: 5:46

And, at the same time, I had this inkling that I needed to speak to people, that I needed to, um, you know, find my people that I can speak to with this, because I was still even with my friend groups. Everybody was still drinking. Um it, we weren't talking about, you know, the real life issues behind drinking or anything like that. So I haven't wasn't having these real conversations, and it wasn't actually until then I started to do the coach training, where I got my first glimpse of community. Yes, and it was incredible, like it changed everything for me. All of a sudden, here we were in this space where we had this communal experience of having navigated through alcohol and addiction and we were sharing our stories and we were actually had this beautiful space where you could just actually, but you know, in a way, that you're not just sharing, you're actually learning from each other and from your own experience and seeing how that impacts you now and deciding how you want to go forward. And it was so empowering. It was so incredible I wouldn't say it was easy. It was like the training.

Speaker 2: 7:19

There was like months where I was so I was processing all these things that were coming up. As I started to recognize my negative thinking, you know, I was like, oh, I have a lot of no wonder I'm still irritable. I have a lot of really negative, repetitive thinking going on all the time and there's a lot of emotion that comes with that, like no wonder I'm feeling like this. And it wasn't like. It is like shifted and changed. It was like this process. I remember like I could feel it in my body, you know, just like so tense, like my back was tense, like everything in my body was like sore. It was like a lot of emotional processing.

Speaker 2: 8:05

But I had this beautiful safe space in this community and I remember this particular one call that we had, where and this is the thing that showed me just how powerful it is to learn from other people's experiences, because we are so in the dark sometimes about our own experience there's so much in our own experience that we don't understand or we just don't see about ourselves. This fascinates me right. So we're on this call and this other coach in training, was sharing her experience with postpartum depression and how it kind of was extended through years, how she hadn't realized it was maybe just like six months or a year after giving birth, but like 10 years later she was still dealing with it and through this beautiful share like a penny just dropped for me, like I just so crystal clear could see my experience in her share and I was like, oh my gosh, like I had been going through this same thing. I could hear exactly my experience and how she was overwhelmed, how she didn't want to get out of bed, how it manifested as kind of sometimes it's like anger, because anger is this kind of fuel that at least you're then doing something.

Speaker 2: 9:31

You know, and I just heard so much in that experience and what happened is that I started to be able to see and understand that experience in a completely different light. So, instead of just trying to fix it and trying to get out of that cycle of like just show up differently, I started to actually understand why I was feeling that way for such a long time, why I was my drinking escalated so much after that time. You know why I was so overwhelmed, why I was struggling so many days. And just that understanding started to shift so much because I started to get this level of like compassion with myself, like, oh my gosh, I think I've been dealing with postpartum depression. It was then up, you know, like my my boy was six or seven years old, so, you know, like seven years, and I don't think I've ever recovered from that. It just like it wasn't so much the label, it was more just that, that, um, articulation of an experience and having context around it, that shifted so much for me. And from then things really started to change quickly.

Speaker 2: 10:54

You know when I could start to understand that, yeah, I'd I'd been having these recurring thoughts, these recurring experiences and, and you know, through so much, so much else in community as well, where you, where you hear from other people's experience how they get through that, the things that they try, you know, um, the different tools that there are to use. That all came through community and and that space to just talk about it. There is something that happens. It's, you know, and I still can't really get my head around why this is, but there is something so amazing that happens when you just talk about what is going on from for you, from this really, um, from this space of just you know, there's nothing to kind of fix, you're just kind of sharing.

Speaker 1: 11:49

Yeah.

Speaker 2: 11:50

And for somebody else to just have that space where you know you're not going to be judged or or where you're not going to be um, belittled or or thought badly of for anything, but you're just sharing and something just happens where you start to kind of like, see your experiences from a different perspective, where you start to have compassion for yourself, and then you connect with other people who go through the same thing and they're like, oh, that happened to me as well, like what, you know? You just don't think that that you feel so alone sometimes when you go through these things, and there is sometimes so much shame involved that you just feel like especially with the mum thing, you know you just feel like everybody else has got it together. Everybody else is managing fine I should be managing fine. Everybody else is juggling all the balls and they're not letting the balls fall, and it makes you feel so alone and it makes you feel so just unconnected. Yeah. And then, when you get to these spaces where actually people are like me too and I've struggled with that too, yes, I, you know, I also. You know life's not perfect. After you give let go of alcohol. There's just so still so many challenges. And just to hear that and to kind of navigate that together. That is huge, you know.

Speaker 2: 13:28

And then, even even now, like I, I like my circle, then just continue to expand from there. You know, it's first the coaches and training, and then the different communities that we get connected to, and then the people that you get connected to when you're coaching as well, and that's, um, you know how you and I met as well, megs, and it's it's so interesting that that now, at any given moment, I have about 10 people that I could call if I'm going through a tough time. You know, and that is such a different experience from like six, seven years ago, where I didn't feel like I really had anybody to call if I was having a hard day or if I was going through a tough time, or somebody really to speak to. And I tell you, that makes such a world of difference. It really does. You know, it's something that I'm always encouraging people to do, even after they do one-on-one coaching.

Speaker 2: 14:35

It's like, okay, well, well, where are you going to be connected to after this? Because that's so important. Letting going of letting go of alcohol is just the, the, the first step. It's like a massive, pivotal step which makes everything else possible, but it's also just the first step. And then you know you're going to navigate life with all its ups and downs, and and to be connected to community while you're going through. That, I think, is just so essential. So, as I don't know actually where I would have been now if, if I hadn't had that, yeah, yeah, oh.

Speaker 1: 15:16

I just it sounds so much like my experience as well. Like, what do they say? Connection is the opposite of addiction, and that's what you're saying and that's been proven by both of us. I was the same when I initially stopped drinking. I did the podcast. No, I didn't do the podcast, I listened to the podcasts, I read the Quitlet and that was fantastic, but it wasn't enough.

Speaker 1: 15:42

So then I joined an online group this is like six or seven years, six years ago, so there wasn't as much out there but it was by someone, an Australian called Rebecca Weller, and it was a 90 day program. It wasn't connecting with other people, but I knew I wasn't alone because it was a daily activity or whatever it was. And then I actually tried AA and the community was what I loved. That's when I realized I need community. It didn't work out for me long-term and when I stopped it after four months I actually went back to drinking and I recognized that I can't do this on my own, like Laura McCowan says. And then I found this naked mind and did the coaching training. Rita and I were in different cohorts, but, oh my gosh, it just opened up a new world for me as well, and I think what you're saying you know, knowing that you're not alone. So there are groups that you can find for everything these days, like I don't even know how, like my mum, like as a parent, as a mother, you know, nowadays we've got mother's groups, we've got blogs, so you know you're not alone.

Speaker 1: 16:49

And 19 years ago, my middle daughter, I found an online mum community and that helped me.

Speaker 1: 16:55

You know, that was amazing because we all had something in common and if you have an illness, there are support groups, like diabetes or cancer, because only the people that are going through it really get it, and that's what we found here as well.

Speaker 1: 17:10

So it's a universal thing and just knowing you're not alone and also just connecting so quickly, because we have this one big thing in common, and Mel Robbins talks about the three pillars of friendship and one of them is timing, and that's kind of the timing for all of us on this journey. That's connected us. And then the common thing where we feel, like you said, you've developed self-compassion. You know, the shame disappeared for me when I met people who were going through the same thing and, like you said, you did not even you didn't realize you had postnatal depression, we self-medicated, we tried to help ourselves with alcohol, you know. So we've all got that in common. And then we meet other people and and, and it has taken work like it does take work, but doing it in a community to me has never felt like work yeah, that is so true, it's it.

Speaker 2: 18:09

It takes the work side of it out. You know, I I heard it explained like this the other day as well and it resonated for me so much that you know, when we're drinking we get that sense of like reward from, you know, the dopamine that alcohol releases or stimulates in our bodies, and oxytocin, which gets released when we're in community, does the same thing. You also get a feeling of reward. That's why, when you're drinking, it's so easy to isolate because you're getting reward from this other thing which, as we know. You know it's a reward with a lot of backlash, but in community you don't. It's that sense of reward that you get, that really good feeling, that connection, that it just keeps growing the more and the more you connect. And it's so interesting because it really is like a mirror where you you get to know yourself better through people that you can really be yourself with. Yes, yeah, you know. And and some of the most amazing conversations that I've had were with people in in a coach setting. You know whether it was through other coaches that were in training or you know some of the coaches that have coached me where, where you're just talking and they hear something in what you're saying that you wouldn't have heard for yourself and some of those things have just been like, have pivoted the way that I've seen myself and, you know, understood my circumstances or seen the way to interact with things. It's, it's been huge, it really has.

Speaker 2: 19:52

And it's almost like you know this, when you, when you stop drinking and you start to go through this journey of like getting to know yourself again, because, as we know, like alcohol really disconnects us from self and that is the the core issue, I think, with all, all addiction, is that you, you move away from yourself and when you go through this journey, you know, know you're reconnecting with yourself and you're learning to get to know yourself again.

Speaker 2: 20:26

And I think one of the most beautiful ways we do that is through our relationships with other people. You know where people are just reflecting back to us compassionately and kindly what they hear and what they see, and kindly what they hear and what they see, or you know where they see, you know maybe some negative thinking that's keeping us stuck that we don't even hear for ourselves sometimes, and it's just so incredibly powerful and really you know, I think, like nobody wants to be going through this journey of, you know, like being stuck with a behavior or a habit that they don't want. Nobody wants that struggle, but community and connection and the people. Just that experience of um being back in touch with yourself and with other people in such an authentic way, I think is one of the most beautiful gifts that come out of out of all of it and and really makes it so worth it you know, oh, totally, and I think you're so right Like it's reconnecting with our authentic selves, coming home to ourselves.

Speaker 1: 21:31

But I actually and I've said it before, it might sound a bit weird, but I embrace my past because without that I wouldn't have this, I wouldn't have these such deep connections, I wouldn't have gotten to know myself so much more deeply and just reconnect, but also I wouldn't be seeing life through this lens without it. So I am grateful. I am at a point now and this, this is something possible for people to be grateful for for the alcohol journey, because it got me where I am now, and obviously there are many things that I would rather forget, but overall I wouldn't have all of this without having had that journey.

Speaker 2: 22:16

Oh, I could not agree more. I could not agree more and and I think it it also, you know, helps to see any other challenging things that you're going through in that same light. Like it's really shitty when you're going through it, you know. But I think every experience like that brings about so much beautiful gifts and change when we allow it to, to shape us and, you know, and move through through the challenging times and, and you know, I see that kind of replicated in everything since then, whether it is, you know, the death of a loved one, or whether it is building a business and the challenges that come with that. You know, whether it's raising kids or the challenging things that comes with that. You know when you can even have community in those things and when you can take the good with the bad. Like there's so much beauty and so much amazing things that come out of that. And that's one thing that the alcohol journey really did teach me.

Speaker 1: 23:20

Oh, same same. And so what communities do you have now Reena?

Speaker 2: 23:25

Oh well, I actually this is something that you know, like I actually remember sitting with you at a coffee shop going, isn't it? Just? Like you know, my clients are asking for community after they've let go of alcohol. You know, and and like it's something that that people inherently want. They don't just want to do something and then be just left by themselves again, because it's just, it's so awesome to be connected.

Speaker 2: 23:53

And through that, um, a little book club called Unwind was born, and it's one of my, like, passion projects because it just combines everything that I was looking for that I didn't know I needed when I stopped drinking, you know, and it's it's based on three pillars, which is which is continued learning, and that's really where you know, once you deal with the alcohol, you're like okay, well, how do I now manage emotions? How do I interact with relationships? How do I learn about my thinking and and you know, learn how to to think in a, in a way that is actually going to move me toward my goals? How do I look after myself? You know, how do I, like, manage and balance life without getting overwhelmed? All of these things come up, and so that is really something that that we're all passionate I think about in this space is that continued learning. So that's where the book club element comes from. And then the second pillar is the coaching pillar, which is, like you know, and I think that this really sets it apart as well, because I think in many communities I mean, I'm part of a lot of Facebook communities, so this is not on Facebook either, but sometimes when it's in there it can get dark quickly People have very different perspectives on what happens if you have a setback or if you have a tough time and you can get really muddled up advice out there that can sometimes, I feel, be very negative and very counterproductive.

Speaker 2: 25:41

Yes, and so this is where I think the coaching element coming into. It is so important because coaching, you know, we provide that safe space where people can talk about what they're going through, but we don't give advice and we're just listening for areas where we think you might be keeping yourself stuck, for areas where we think you might be keeping yourself stuck, and we just ask questions in this curious and safe space to help people get to their own best next step, in alignment with where they want to go. And so the coaching element within that community, I think, is so important as well. So it's continued learning, coaching and then the community aspect as well. You know, connecting people on this same journey. It is so incredible what happens and I think, with everybody that I've met on this journey it's been so awesome where you feel this instant connection with somebody because they know you know what you've been through and what you know. They know that, even though the experiences haven't been completely the same, like we understand what you go through to get to where you are now. We understand that compassion of um, you know somebody else's story and listening to somebody else's story and supporting each other through the ups and downs, and so, yeah, we create this beautiful community aspect. So, yeah, it's the continued learning, coaching, the community, and we just have a private little you know what's up chat where we keep in touch with each other. We meet once a week on zoom and you know the the people that have been a part of this just have expressed that this has been so foundational for them in their continued both success and, just like, continued thriving in this alcohol-free lifestyle.

Speaker 2: 27:37

You know, because, as we know, we're so inundated with messaging about alcohol, it is still everywhere. I think it's getting you know better. There's definitely shifts happening, but it's still everywhere. And it's so interesting that you know, when we're not intentional about it and it's not that I think it's a lifetime intentionality but I think definitely in the first years after letting go of alcohol, there is a certain intention about noticing, you know, the way that society is programmed, about alcohol and having a space where, when those thoughts creep back in you, you know where to go with them. You know you don't just let them creep back into your subconscious and create little cravings and the next minute you're thinking, oh, maybe I should just have a drink. You know You're actually paying attention to it and you're bringing it to a safe space. And you know, like, over the course of the the year or two following letting go of alcohol, you have your life's ups and downs and things happen. And sometimes things happen where all of a sudden you unexpectedly do get um really triggered or caught off guard. You know, and even if you have a setback or if you don't, you just come talk about it.

Speaker 2: 28:58

Having that space to work through it with somebody, I think is absolutely oh, I think everybody just needs it and that's always been the passion to provide that for people. You know, and it's like subscription, so you know you join and when you and I think, like as part of being this, this naked mind coach, one of the things that I think we're all, and everybody that I know that is a coach is so passionate about is, eventually, we want to be irrelevant in people's lives. You know, we want people to be so thriving and so alive and so free that they're like thank you, but I just don't need you anymore, and so free that they're like thank you, but I just don't need you anymore. That's always the goal, you know, and so I love that. The way that we're approaching this is not a okay, oh my gosh, now I've got to do this for the rest of my life.

Speaker 2: 29:56

I think I'll be in community for the rest of my life in various different ways, just because I love it so much. It's just become so much part of like, my, my, my mental health and my enjoyment of life and my enjoyment of people that I think I'll just always will be in some sort of community, but it won't always be centered around alcohol, you know, and so that's kind of what Unwind is. It's that, it's that nice interchange between letting go of alcohol and you know, and so that's kind of what Unwind is, it's that. It's that nice interchange between letting go of alcohol and, you know, having a safe space and, you know, eventually moving to all the other things you know that you want to do in life and not, you know, having alcohol really be irrelevant and and focusing on other things in life. But yeah, that's, that's one of the things that, um, I've come out of this, this journey that is growing and I'm just so, so, so happy to have that with people oh, I, I couldn't agree more.

Speaker 1: 30:54

It's so the group's so wonderful and just I think me too, I community is going to be something I'm always going to be involved in and, like you said, the groups that we have, or the communities, or you know this book club, we can. It's beyond alcohol, so we are there to support each other through everything and this continued learning that we do. It just goes it ripple effects into every area of life and it's helped me with relationships, with kids, with my health, like I don't want people to think, like you just said, forever I have to talk about alcohol, like it's just not what we're experiencing and but at the same time, I am so happy to talk about that with people. You know it's, it's, it's all of it just brings joy to my life and I still and you do, you know we all have other parts of our life that we still enjoy, but this is just such an important part.

Speaker 1: 31:49

And you said earlier about the feeling, the difference between alcohol and the dopamine, but the community and the dopamine, I, I leave feeling uplifted and it just sets me up, you know, for a great day or night and it's just such an important part. And I do want to stress community continued learning. I always tell my clients they're very important things and it's not a scary thing, it's such a joyful thing. So Unwind is a book club as well.

Speaker 2: 32:17

Yes, so we communally agree on whatever book that we're reading, we're all about not adding overwhelm or another thing to do in your life. So sometimes people opt not to read the book, you know, when they're in certain stage of life and they actually gain from the conversations of other people sharing, which is so awesome. And other times, you know, they're full on into the book and we really encourage you know your own reading pace. We provide some reflections, we chat about the book a little bit. Mostly we chat about what's going on in life, you know. So it's one part of the thread, but it's not the total thread at all. And yeah, so if anybody is interested in joining us, you can find us at wwwunwindbookclubcomau and you'll find all the information there. And yeah, if you've got any questions, just ask. You know, if there's times that don't work for you or if you're curious about what book we're reading. Now we are reading Living Untethered. Yes, we're just starting that now.

Speaker 1: 33:29

We're just starting it after finishing, push Off from here. Yes, yes, a fantastic book. They're all fantastic books.

Speaker 2: 33:37

So yeah, so come and chat and see if it's for you. We'd love to have you join.

Speaker 1: 33:43

Amazing. I will put that in the show notes as well. It's been so wonderful having you on Reena, and we'd love to have you back another time.

Speaker 2: 33:52

Oh, thank you so much for having me on, Megs, and thank you for all the amazing work that you guys do. I just love what you do and I will speak to you soon.